Its bottling up to be like a pressure cooker... all my frustrations which I can't get off my chest. I realised I have lost all my good friends. In fact, I guess in my entire life I never have bestest of friends so whenever I needed a heart to heart girlie talk, the girlies aren't there. I just feel so being used by people around me. Is it my fate - like what the fortune teller once told me, I will have many friends but none are best. Is this prophecy true?
I am feeling under the weather, and perhaps all the frustrations I face in my work life. Even jumping from company to company, I wonder why I cant find my cup of tea. While people around me just fit in and they have everything going so smoothy for them. I start to wonder if I had made a right choice to be in this firm. Small it may seems, but the people are hard to decipher in terms of behaviour. I ponder everyday on my jobscope, what exactly is it? I somehow cannot take a job without knowing what I ought to do. I cannot sit down waiting for things to be served as and when they like. I must be able to sit in and start my day at my fingertips. I am NOT at the mercy of anyone and WILL NOT be. Having said all these, I still miss my days in the frontline. At least I know what I have to do day to day and the challenges are a plenty. I look at the way the people move around in a sluggish manner...and the efficiency level of this crowd with gossipers and bootlickers a plenty , just puts me off totally.
I think its time to start again and I shall let the Lord dictate my route. My heart will look, His hand will guide.